Smart ladies at least have Marilyn Vos Savant and the learned lovelies in Bull Durham and La Lectrice as sexy role models. Who've boys got: The antisocial (alleged) Unabomber? The hygiene-challenged Einstein and Edison? OK, there's the fun-lovin' late scientist Richard Feynman and certain brooding movie master-criminal types, but they're the exceptions. But the more common image is the drooling fanboy in a three-sizes-too-small Capt. Kirk shirt, peering through inch-thick spectacles, looking for love in all the wrong places (like AOL chat rooms), fantasizing about Amazonian superwomen but incapable of chatting up a real one, perhaps still traumatized by high-school crushes who slept with jocks and treated him as a brother.

Many hyper-rational people of all genders fear the irrational, and love and sex are about the most irrational behaviors known to humankind. But becoming more desirable isn't as impossible as it sometimes seems. Practice using a softer, sultrier voice in which to recite post-structuralist literary theory. Memorize love sonnets. Do something to get outside the comfy prison of your own head (yoga, gardening, cycling, pets). Reclaim your place in the physical/ biological/ emotional realm. To quote a love-struck professor in Hal Hartley's Surviving Desire, "Knowing is not enough."

`WORLD' CONQUEST: I've heard punk-rock activists might try to disrupt location tapings of MTV's Real World Seattle with pickets or street-theater type hostilities. I say we can be more creative than that. They think they're an entertainment network; heck, we'll show 'em some real entertainment. First, start a phone tree in advance, so you can descend on the place in numbers. Then when the crew and cast are sighted somewhere, arrive en masse in Santa suits, or chanting the Ivar's Acres of Clams folk jingle, or loading the bar's juke box to repeatedly play "Convoy." Let's show those stuck-up industry people we know how to have an old-school good time in this town. Speaking of entertainments...

WORDS & MUSIC: Fizz: A Blah Blah Blah Blah Magazine has put out its last issue and I'll miss it. Some of publisher Cathy Rundell's associates are regrouping to start a successor mag, Plus One. One of the things I loved about Fizz (and its LA-based predecessor Fiz) was its insistance on indie-pop as a force for creativity and empowerment, for doing things where you are with what you've got.

Compare this to the attitude in Resonance, the three-year-old local dance and pop mag. Where Fizz got personal with musicians, portraying them as just-plain merrymakers like you or me, Resonance keeps its critical distance. Even its interviews too often practice the same old provincialism, treating musical artists as gods and goddesses descending upon us from the media capitals. The irony, of course, is how dance music depends for its real innovations on stubborn trend-breakers, many from outside the NY/LA/SF/London axis. Another dance-club freezine, the LA-based Sweater, exemplifies this in a recent cover story about Derrick May, the Detroit DJ who pioneered late-'80s house music--and who only found a domestic market for his work after U.K. imitators "popularized" the style.

I've been criticized for having a rocker-reactionary "disco sucks" attitude toward the dance revolution. Not true. My beef's with the self-defeating "real-life-is-elsewhere" attitude among too many dance-scene followers, too content to remain followers. Like an introspective genius afraid to date, the scene needs to shake off its inhibitions, to dare to be foolish, to really get down.

(Share your egghead love tips at clark@speakeasy.org .)