101 Mona Lisas: A Variety of Female Smiles for the Actress or Caricaturist Fiction piece by Clark Humphrey 7/23/97 The slightly confused yet totally happy glare upon eating ice cream for the first time The restrained, pseudo-modest giggle upon sharing a dirty joke with a girlfriend in the presence of the girlfriend's mom The beaming, catty grin upon being told a particularly juicy joke by one's manicurist The teeth-grinding fake fake smile upon listening to the most stuck-up girl in school boast about how great a lay her football-star boyfriend is The absolutely-not-guilty satisfied juice-lapping smirk upon completing a boyfriend-stealing blow job to the football star The satisfied shriek upon seeing the most stuck-up girl in school spitting in one's face The sigh of relief at the end of the first day on the job The wearier sigh of relief at the end of the second day on the job The wearier-still sigh of relief at the end of the 253rd day on the job The enthusiastic faked response to a joke told by a man with money The simple, content nod upon marrying a man with money The less simple, equally content nod upon leaving a man with money The scornful, yet not really unhappy, laugh upon responding to the man-with-money's divorce attorney's first offer The unplanned exclamation of hope and fascination upon being introduced to a man with perfect hair The almost painful, involuntary gaggle upon being mercilessly tickled in bed by the man with perfect hair The almost painful, involuntary rapture upon being expertly licked in bed by the man with perfect hair The ambiguous, wistful pondering upon seeing a "plus" sign on a pregnancy test The not-embarrassed-at-all snort of faked surprise upon having wedding cake shoved in one's face by the man with perfect hair The innocent, joyful glee upon nursing a baby The forced, embarassed participation in group giggles upon suddenly having to clean up a diaper accident while hosting company The smug, we-are-not-amused greeting to one's daughter's horny, completely inadequate teenage boyfriend The letting-loose howl upon rounding the last slope, completely unaware of the stray snowboarder just ahead The relieved sigh upon feeling the painkillers starting to work for the last time

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