2/22/99 Misc. column Good n' Scary IT'S THE FEBRUARY SWEEPS WEEKS, which means the TV newscasts and the "newsmagazine" shows are even fuller of alarm and scare tactics than usual. So, as a public service, this week's online Misc. column will mix at least two pieces of good news for every piece of scary news. GOOD NEWS ITEM #1: The new best-of-Misc. book will be out this summer, somehow or another. It'll be available online via Misc. World, via mail-order, and in at least a few local stores. (A more comprehensive bookstore-distribution contract's still pending.) GOOD NEWS ITEM #2: My old book, Loser: The Real Seattle Music Story, will probably get back in print sometime this summer as well. There's still a lot to be worked out about that, though; I'll keep y'all in touch. GOOD NEWS ITEM #3: I'll appear in April at a public reading series, dishing up segments from one or both books. Stay tuned to this site for further details. GOOD NEWS ITEM #4: I finally got a replacement modem, so I'm back doing full Web research. With any luck, my 2400-baud backup modem (which sent some of you the same Misc. World email alert five or six times) won't see any further use. SCARY NEWS ITEM #1: Martha Stewart may be moving to (or at least setting up a second home in) the greater Seattle area. Actually, this was first rumored about a year ago. When Seattle magazine held a silly reader survey to find "the Martha Stewart of Seattle,' it reported the real Stewart had been seen around town, holding the well-manicured hand of some Microsoft exec. Why should this information fill me with such fear and dread? I happen to know several acquaintances who sorta like Little Miss Perfect's handy cooking and decorating hints, but aren't quite yet completely seduced into the total worldview of Marthaism. If the Anti-Goddess of perkiness were to set up a household somewhere in western Washington, or even move a piece of her Time Warner-backed book-magazine-TV empire here, I fear these good people, and perhaps many others, might fully succumb. GOOD NEWS ITEM #5: A P-I story claims bulimia just might be related to a brain-chemical imbalance. The article says a study at Oxford linked the binge-and-purge disorder to screwed-up amounts of tryptophan, the chemical that regulates appetite. Like depressives who found a simple prescription could offer the basic capability years of therapy couldn't, maybe now we'll stop psychiatrically picking on girls and young women who can't keep their food down. Their torture just might not be due to body-image paranoia and the negative influence of fashion advertising after all, but to a simple, potentially fixable, misdose of the brain's natural pharmaceuticals. The phrase "it's all in your head" is becoming a statement of hope! GOOD NEWS ITEM #6: Both Scarecrow Video and the Elliott Bay Book Company are being sold to new owners with deep pockets and the determination to keep these local institutions alive and kickin'. Scarecrow, home of the astounding 40,000-title selection of cinematic faves and obscurities, will now be under the care of owners with MS money and the determination to maintain it as a film-lover's paradise. Elliott Bay's coming under the stewardship of the guy who runs the Honey Bear Bakery (the beloved north-Seattle loitering spot for underemployed computer "consultants") and Third Place Books in Lake Forest Park (just about the only reason to ever go to that particular stretch of sprawl). He plans to add used books to Elliott Bay's shelving, which should double the selection at that large but more-spacious-than-it-has-to-be literary palace. SCARY NEWS ITEM #2: After months of hostile citizen input, Sound Transit's still going ahead with plans to run its light-rail tracks at surface level down Martin Luther King Jr. Way South. At hearing after hearing, south-Seattle residents said they'd rather have a subway tunnel, which would (1) let the trains go faster, (2) let car traffic down and crossing MLK go faster, (3) require the demolition of fewer existing buildings, and (4) provide more of that good urban atmosphere; but would also (5) cost a lot, lot more than surface light rail. Neither Sound Transit nor its critics even mentioned the everybody-wins solution to this problem--sticking the tracks above the street, instead of on or beneath it. But that, of course, would require bureaucrats to stop pooh-poohing the sensible claims of the Friends of the Monorail, something these stubborn we-know-better-than-you officials appear loath to ever do. GOOD NEWS ITEM #7: Low-power radio might become legal. The Federal Communications Commission's rumored to be drafting new rules to let educational and other nonprofit entities operate FM stations of one watt (creating a signal reaching a one-mile diameter) to 1,000 watts (about 18 miles). That'd be great for ethnic minorities and subcultures not currently served by ever more-consolidating commercial broadcasters or by upscale "public" broadcasting. The big broadcasters don't like this, natch, and may sue to stop it. And even if that challenge fails, I doubt if any licenses will be granted to the parties now running unlicensed pirate stations (of which one's now running evenings in Seattle at 87.9 FM, and another's supposed to be starting any week now). But maybe, just maybe, this'll mean we can get a real, above-ground, community station in this town for the first time in over a decade. SCARY NEWS ITEM #3 and GOOD NEWS ITEM #8: Researchers at the University of Amsterdam are embarking on a study to see whether virtual-reality technology can treat people's phobias. Their idea is to immerse patients in 3-D video-game-like scenarios to help people confront, and ultimately overcome, their deepest fears, all within the safe real-world confines of a clinic. It's good news because, if it works, it could help a lot of people. It's scary news because, if it works, I might one day feel the urge to use it myself. Here, for examples, are some of the situations I might ask to be programmed into a VR headset for me to face: I must persuade a gaggle of stoned-out neohippies and ravers to leave a burning building. I must get somewhere NOW. But all along the street, I'm hounded by adamant people demanding things from me. "You! Three blocks away! Tell me the time, NOW!" "Where's Third Avenue from here?" "Hold it, kid! You're not going anywhere until you tell me the capital of Nebraska!" I'm dying from a heart attack on the sidewalk, surrounded by dozens of people who just stand around laughing. I'm dying of starvation, and meet a long series of people with plenty of food on hand who simply tell me I should be glad I'm not at risk for any of the long-term health problems related to obesity. I'm in Hell, which turns out to be a really bad comedy club. I'm in Hell, which turns out to be a video store with a thousand copies of each Meg Ryan movie and no copies of anything else. I'm in Hell, which turns out to be a recording studio where a bearded recording engineer makes me eternally listen to the same Steely Dan song while he enthusiastically explains the technical brilliance behind its recording and mixing. I've been spending decades happily in the afterlife of my choice, until a descendant posthumously prays my way, against my will, into the Mormon Heaven. I impatiently wait for my guru to tell me the ultimate meaning of life. But it turns out to be just like one of Richard Pryor's early appearances on Merv Griffin or Mike Douglas--a seemingly-endless, carefully detailed set up for a single punch line, that's completely bleeped out. Only instead of silence followed by howls of laughter, I hear silence followed by gasps of realization among all the other disciples in the audience. ON THAT PLEASANT NOTE, let's again remind you to nominate your favorite beautiful "ugly" building via email or at our splendid Misc. Talk discussion boards, and to read these words from Isaac Asimov's novel Foundation: "Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right."

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