MISCmedia for 9/8/00
Cineplex Onerous

YESTERDAY, we mentioned in passing the Seattle Mariners' new "classic" baseball stadium.

The movie-theater biz is also trying to get neoclassical.

OK, they're not going back to single-screen palaces of architectural wonder. (And they're sure not going back to old-fashioned ticket or concession prices.)

But the big chains are trying to make moviegoing an entertaining experience again.

After decades of building big, bland, boxy multiplexes, they're now putting up much fancier joints. The new multiplexes still have umpteen screens serviced by a central projection room; they still play the same dorky big-studio formula movies.

But they've got plushier seats, fancier carpets and lighting, and prettier lobbies and signage. They've got hi-tech projection and sound systems. They've got doublewall construction between auditoria, so you're less likely to hear the movie next door.

Some of them even have curtains concealing the screen between shows (amazing what they'll think up!).

But the new movie boxes are costly things to build and run, especially with the high rents in some of the "restored" big-city downtowns where many of the biggest and fanciest megaplexes are going up. And the chains aren't closing their older multiboxes at the same rate they're opening new ones. (For one thing, chains are building these partly to encroach on other chains' established territories. For another, they're often stuck in long-term leases, especially at malls.)

So even with movie attendance holding steady, and even with the high ticket prices and the high concession prices and the on-screen ads and the hawking of CDs and posters in the lobbies, the big cinemonster chains are in trouble. Three have already filed for bankruptcy protection; two others may do so this week. The biggest current circuit, Loews Cineplex (formed by the merger of several already-big chains), is being propped up by steadily cash infusions from Sony (which hasn't been making big profits in its movie-production arm either). But even that isn't keeping the chain afloat.

As one to always see an opportunity where others only see trouble (and vice versa), I can foresee many uses for the movie boxes that might become immediately abandoned if these bankruptcy moves go through. When Cineplex Odeon (now merged into Loews Cineplex) shut down its Newmark fiveplex, a local nonprofit theater briefly used one of its rooms before the whole space was redone for offices. We can do that again, all over North America.

Let's turn some of these umpteenplexes into multidisciplinary fringe-arts centers. I can see it now:

• Performance art in Auditorium 1.

• Experimental opera in Auditorium 2.

• Conceptual sculpture shows in Auditorium 3.

• Dance rehearsals in Auditorium 4.

• Painting studios in Auditorium 5.

• Panel discussions on the role of the humanities in the 21st century in Auditorium 6.

• Avant-improv guitar circles in Auditorium 7.

• Neo-neo-neo-punk bands in Auditorium 8.

• Artist-made tchotchkes and gift items sold in the concession area.

• And in the lobby, all these tribes mixing and matching and coming up with new ideas and junk.

Not only would such a scheme provide valuable, centrally-located space for these sometimes neglected resources in the heart of their respective cities and/or suburbs, they'd provide a modicum of historic preservation to these buildings.

This way, kids in the 2030s will be able to see the places in which films like Rambo III were meant to be seen. It may help them understand why such films got made.

MONDAY: Both major Presidential candidates (heart) censorship.

ELSEWHERE:

• Three decades later, it's probably a good thing the Boeing SST never got built....

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