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The Myrtle of Venus
October 15th, 2009 by admin

I wrote a novel a few years back. It’s short and easy to read. I like to think it’s sexy, sassy, and funny.

book cover

IF THEY DON’T MAKE
A REAL WOMAN OF HER,
SHE’LL DESTROY THEM!

THE MYRTLE OF VENUS is a brisk, hilarious-yet-poignant trek through ‘hip’ urban America in the early twenty-first century.Betty Beige, the world’s blandest woman, inherits an old warehouse. She tries to evict its tenants, a ragtag group of underground artists.

They decide to win her over to their side. They’ll use the power of seduction to make her an aware, sensual woman. Without knowing what’s happening, Betty will turn from mild to wild.

Or will she?

That’s just the start, as eleven vivid characters cope with liberation, manipulation, high ideals, and lowdown-dirty deals.

MEET THE ARTISTS OF STUDIO DIONYSUS:

  • ROY WALLINGFORD, former cabaret performer turned ‘political’ painter. He’s obsessed with Greek legends and with being fabulous.
  • VIRGINIA STEWART, slinky modern dancer. She also leads ‘empowerment’ workshops teaching women how to unleash their fury.
  • LENORA BLANCHARD, radical lesbian performance artist and Virginia’s former lover. She wants to be a cold-hearted seductress–but makes the mistake of falling in love with her prey.
  • DEL RIDGE, spoken-word poet and raconteur. He always has something snappy to say, even if it isn’t something nice.
  • TERRY BOREN, budding documentary videomaker. He loves to make big, brash statements, as long as he gets to stay behind the camera.
  • HOLLY HOLGATE, better known as ‘PENELOPE ANTE,’ pen-and-ink illustrator and costume designer for retro-burlesque dancers.
  • MAYNARD LANDER, part-time animator, full-time video game programmer, and aficionado of some of TV’s forgotten cartoon shows.

THEIR PROBLEM:

  • BETTY BEIGE, the World’s Blandest Woman. Wants to evict all the artists, so she can replace their studio with her dream restaurant, the International House of Hummus.

THE OTHER MAIN CHARACTERS:

  • KIRK MALTBY, incendiary talk radio host who can’t keep his anger under control.
  • KENT VAN ASSELT, mysterious recluse and retired commercial illustrator. He was once the king of sleazy book covers.
  • LAUREL HEARST, owner of a marketing agency and several other businesses. She has a golden touch for selling things to young adults who don’t want things sold to them.

THE MYRTLE OF VENUS is a raucous, robust FUN novel, filled with:

  • KINKY SEX!
  • ORDINARY SEX!
  • ART! MUSIC! DANCE! VIDEO GAMES!
  • BURLESQUE DANCERS!
  • FETISH PERFORMANCE ART!
  • A NAKED DRAG QUEEN!
  • CIGARETTES! ALCOHOL! COFFEE!
  • APHRODISIAC BOTTLED WATER!
  • OUTER-SPACE CARTOONS!
  • URBAN POLITICS! CLASS STRUGGLE!
  • GREEK MYTHOLOGY!
  • ‘YOUNG, EDGY’ ADVERTISING!
  • SCHEMING WOMEN!
  • NERDY MEN!
  • AN EXECUTIVE DOMINATRIX AND HER OFFICE BOY-TOYS!
  • THE RISE OF THE LONG-ATTENTION-SPAN GENERATION!
  • A WHITE GUY WHO WANTS TO BE A BLACK LESBIAN!
  • THE SECRET BEHIND AN AMERICAN ICON!

…and MUCH, MUCH MORE!

It’s now out in handy e-book form, for the absurdly low price of $2.99 U.S. (A free preview’s also available.)


One Response  
  • Katie writes:
    April 18th, 2012 at 8:01 pm

    I liked it, I just kept thinking there were so many “in-jokes” that only we Seattle folks would get, and I loved all the buildings that were where something used to be, and by the way, every time I walk by the Pita Bite off Pine & 2nd, I think of this book. Every. Single. Goddamn. Time.


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